Life is so… whatever.

it’s 2am, feeling like i just lost a friend

with 3 comments

Bullets.

  • If tonight’s mood is any indication, I’m most probably going to spend my birthday missing you and wishing I were staying up until 4am with you like we did on your birthday.
  • A month and a half ago there wasn’t even any question in my mind about that but things have done a complete turnaround since then and unless a miracle happens in the next five days, I highly doubt it’s going to happen anymore.
  • You think I don’t care but I do, so, so much it almost physically hurts to think of how far apart we’ve become. I desperately wish things were different than they are now.
  • I wish I had the courage to try and talk things through with you. I’m sorry I’m such a coward.
  • But sometimes I wish you’d realize that maybe you were not the only one who was hurt in this whole mess. I’ve become terrified to even talk to you because I cannot bear the rejection from your cold replies, because your curt sentences just make me cry, because I don’t even know what it is I’m supposed to¬† apologize for.
  • I am not above begging for forgiveness if that’s gonna change things back to the way they were, but really I just wish you’d told me what was wrong when I was still not too traumatized yet to stop leaving you messages asking if you’re ok.
  • You probably aren’t even looking forward to my birthday, and I wonder if you’d forgotten.
  • I still love you, you know.
  • I miss your laugh. When I finally met you in real life it was one of the first things I noticed, and I thought it was amazing because there’s so much joy in it. It in turn makes me giggle and I love how noisy our meetings always are. Were.
  • I miss you so, SO MUCH because you were my friend way beyond the confines of the fandom. My favorite text is still that one you sent when I passed CS32, and your worrying when I was horribly sick during the summer is still one of the things that most made me feel loved.
  • You have no idea how much I’ve cried for you, and each time it still hurts like all that horrible business happened yesterday.
  • My capslock key feels lonely without you.
  • Come back to me.

…but they are all for one person.

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Written by eeeek

July 23, 2009 at 3:10 am

Posted in Uncategorized

3 Responses

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  1. I don’t know who you are, but reading this pained my heart, cause it’s like I wrote this myself.. going through the exact same thing atm, ironic thing is that it’s 2:18 AM, googled that, then found your post. Thanks for this.

    Bazachery

    December 20, 2009 at 9:19 am

  2. Also, what fandom ? Could it by any chance be the Harry Potter fandom? Cause that would be too much, too much.

    Bazachery

    December 20, 2009 at 9:22 am

    • Aww, I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing. :( It’s horrible. But it’s not the Harry Potter fandom, heh. I hope you get your situation resolved though. :)

      eeeek

      December 20, 2009 at 12:01 pm


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