Life is so… whatever.

more quotes.

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I swear I’m going to do actual school work after posting this and updating my scrapbook.

“I want to get away from the internet and actually enjoy real life – moment after moment, and not tab-after-tab.”

–Anna

In recent months I’ve been living practically in front of my computer. In some ways it’s great because I’m always connected to everyone through the internet, but sometimes I realize I’ve become too dependent on it. When my internet fails, it’s disconcerting and unsettling to me. It’s ridiculous. I’m trying to be better at this, to not seclude myself from real life as much as I did for a few months in 2009, and I think I’ve made progress. I should’ve done what John Mayer did, reduce online time to an absolute minimum for the first week of 2010 (as in only for checking your email because though this is a noble undertaking, the world wouldn’t pause for your online detox and school/work matters will still make their way to your inbox). But I didn’t even attempt because the mere thought of not being online makes me feel a little lost. I don’t know why, I lived the first few years of my life without internet, the next few with cheap dialup that we only sometimes used. But in recent years, technology has made it so easy to live in your computer and forget that there’s actually a world outside.

I’ve always been a little anti-social, but my attachment to my computer has made it so much worse. My family gets so bored at home because we’re all busy with school/work/whatever, and more often than not, one of us will find themselves home alone for hours. They hate it. It’s like we just live in the same house but we don’t really live together. And I get their point, I do, and sometimes I suddenly realize that it’s been days since we all actually had dinner together and it makes me sad. But I also like my alone time, sitting at the kitchen table and reading random things on my laptop, with my iPod hooked up to speakers on full blast and a mug of coffee beside me or some dinner I’d managed to scrape up. Not that I hate spending time with my family –except when shopping, because that almost always ends up in a fight and really, I like shopping alone better. Except I have no one to pay for my materialistic needs, haha–, but I think I just like solitude better than they do. Sometimes I would rather sit at home and check on fandom or twitter or plurk or (recently) tumblr, or maybe write a bit if inspiration strikes me, than go to the mall with my family. Or even if I deign to go out, I would check twitter and my mail through my phone several times a day. I’ve been trying to curb that habit, though. Now I only do it when I’m bored on the commute to and from school. HAHA. It’s not actually the going with family that I don’t like. Sometimes I just don’t feel like going out of the house and interacting with the rest of the human populace in general.

I think Project 365 has been helping me a bit to live in the moment. It forces me to get away from my computer for at least a little bit and find something notable to photograph other than my screen, to look at my life and actually see it going on around me (haha, Avatar reference! That movie was good for something after all), to go through my day and find at least one beautiful thing in it. I like bringing my camera to school despite the incovenience (it is kind of big), because I get to capture little moments (particularly with my blockmates) that make me think, “When I look back on my life, I will remember this afternoon and smile.”

~

“I don’t want to put down the good I still have on paper. I want to keep it to myself. Once the ink is on paper, part of it always feels lost.”

I read that in some story or other, and I really liked it because I’ve always felt that way. Sometimes you feel a joy that is so overwhelming that you want to shout it from the rooftops and share it with the world, but sometimes there’s this. When something special and nice and beautiful happens to you, that you just want to hold it tight against your chest and live in that moment forever. I like the feeling that that moment was mine and mine alone. I feel like writing it down means it’s finally over. Even if I’m writing it in my private journal, it still feels like something is lost, somehow.  Is that weird?

Sigh, why am I in a melancholy mood today. I should go back to programming now.

=====

My mom has some of our chapel’s priests and seminarians for lunch today, because that’s what our village does. Every Sunday one home plays host to them for lunch, because our residents are very involved in church activities and they’re all lovely and the seminarians who are assigned to our village love that they’re well taken care of here, haha. I love them. And Sunday lunch with them here makes me smile, because I love that there are still young men who choose to go into this vocation. :)

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Written by eeeek

January 17, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Posted in Family, Internet, Lessons, Musings, Quoted

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2 Responses

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  1. ” It’s like we just live in the same house but we don’t really live together. ” —-> guilty. >_ I know the feeling. Sometimes it seems like it’s better to keep something all to yourself and replay it over and over and over in your mind. Lol.

    nnnna

    January 17, 2010 at 11:15 pm

  2. […] this article: more quotes. Posted in Tech News Tags: recent-years, your-computer « Consultancy Services […]


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