Life is so… whatever.

if this world makes you crazy, you’ve taken all you can bear

with one comment

I fail at keeping this blog. This post has been three weeks in the making. I cannot use the excuse that I’m busy, because frankly, I’m not. Not yet. I just have this weird habit of procrastinating about things I like doing, which is my way of procrastinating about things I need to do. (also, because tumblr ate my life. also: The Pacific, and the World Cup)

Anyway. So. Look at that! *points to  photo above* I am a senior now! There is never a day that goes by and I don’t think “HOLY SHIT” about that fact. This year is my last year of school. Unless I take graduate studies… which, no. I think I’d much more probably take another course than take graduate studies. Or at least, I won’t take graduate studies for at least the next few years. My parents used to be under the assumption that I would do it  right after graduation, but then again they never experienced how awful the last three years have been for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love college, and I love my major (sometimes), but at the same time, the last three years have been the most exhausting of my life. Physically, emotionally, intellectually. If I were made of stronger stuff I probably would go to grad school, but really, half the reason I want to graduate on time is that I cannot take an extra year of this.

(There has to be something wrong when I cannot even bear the thought of doing this longer, but I am too busy looking at that number 4 under “year level” to care and reevaluate my life. I’ve stuck this out as long as I have anyway, I maybe deserve points  for that?)

The other half being that I can’t let the Filipino people down — you probably don’t know this, but if you are a Filipino taxpayer (and not just the tax from your salary… every purchase you make, the tax it generates, pays for my education), you have been sponsoring my  education for the last seven years. Not just in the vague sense that taxpayers’ money is used to fund education in the country, but my schooling has literally been paid for through your taxes. I went to a science high school where half the population could probably afford to be studying in exclusive schools instead, where we got the best education possible in the Philippines for free, and with monetary allowance to boot. And then I went to college and I got a scholarship (er, two) which meant I went to school free again. And since tuition in the University of the Philippines went up the year I started college, that was a big help. I mean, my parents could afford to send my to school, but free is always better, haha.

But nothing in life is ever really free, of course. The price of free education was high standards. Not that I wasn’t already wired to have high standards for myself, being brought up the  way I was by my parents. But now there was the pressure of having concrete consequences if I did not do my best: I’d lose my scholarship if I had a failing or incomplete grade. Or if my semestral average went below 2.0. That sounds doable, but trust me, when you’re in the University of the Philippines, especially in the College of Engineering, it’s going to be difficult. I know of people who have already lost their scholarship. I came so close myself. I have to admit, I haven’t always done my best, and that’s probably the reason, but sometimes you just get tired, you know? Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is this thought: nakakahiya naman sa mga Pilipino, sayang ang pinangpa-aral nila sakin. But it’s really hard. So for my sanity’s sake, no grad school for me.

Er, so I kind of went off on a tangent there. The point is: I AM GRADUATING NEXT YEAR.

I mean, if all goes well. Hopefully.

PS. The above photo above is also my Photo #1 for my project 365 retake. It was taken on the first day of school for this year, just before I paid my tuition and officially became a senior. The project is going well so far, except for one day when I completely forgot to take a photo, but I don’t want to give up on this again, so let’s just not  count Day __. I shall post the rest of the photos soon.


Written by eeeek

June 30, 2010 at 4:56 pm

One Response

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  1. Hi there,
    I really like your blog. As what I have observe this time,It is true.I agree with you. anyway,thanks.Through this blog of yours I already have an assignment.


    July 18, 2010 at 9:29 pm

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