Life is so… whatever.

this is a dumb post about my dumb insecurities :|

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one flaw i have that annoys me to no end is that i am always scared that people will think my thoughts/opinions are stupid.

like, i reblogged something on rape culture, and my friend tweeted that she has a lot of unpopular opinions about this whole rape culture debate and i know my post kind of triggered that and suddenly i looked back on my post and thought, “wait, was i wrong?” (the entire rape culture debate is not the point of this post so i will not explain it here)

i am always scared to post something of a serious and/or opinionated nature in any of the social networks i’m on because i know someone out there will disagree, and i feel uncomfortable when it’s someone i know. because i like them most of the time, and i know they like me most of the time, and then a time like this comes and i fear that they might think i’m stupid or wrong or whatever. maybe their points are better, or maybe i’m more right, i don’t really know. all i know is that this is what i believe in, and i didn’t pull this out of my ass or anything, for me what’s important is to try to make it an educated opinion so it came from lots of thought. and partly from school, lol that panpil19 class has made my life so much more complicated by giving me opinions about these things ugh. i’d wish i didn’t have one, but i think it’s good to be thinking about these things.

i really should trust my friends more, trust that they won’t hate me just because they don’t think the same. they may not agree with my opinion (on this and/or on other issues), but then again this particular friend and i happen to not have the same opinions on a lot of things tbh (including shallower topics like tv and movies and music). and i have seen her post about her opinion on this, and it doesn’t even contradict mine so much as… adds  to it, i guess. mostly it adds to what that particular post of mine lacked which i sort of felt a little iffy to begin with but i posted it anyway because in general it supported my stand. in retrospect there are better-worded posts about the issue that i could’ve reblogged had it appeared on my dashboard, but i won’t delete that post just because someone kind of shot it down. and i have got to stop thinking that just because someone wrote a coherent post about it doesn’t make their opinion automatically better/more valid/more right than mine (it might be, it might not be, but i shouldn’t conclude before thinking). (i know, people say there is no right or wrong opinion and sometimes that’s right, but sometimes one could make a conclusion that is way off because they didn’t educate and inform themselves before hastily making their conclusion, and that’s what i try not to do)

actually it’s this particular subset of friends that i’m most wary of expressing opinions to, because they have strong opinions about things, and i value what they think, but at the same time they often make me feel scared of disagreeing. i know someone will be more informed than i am, and that’s a factor in what scares me, that i will be proven wrong or whatever, because i know i’m not always the most informed about news and social and political issues and things. it’s gotten to a point where i even feel stupid for liking something that the majority doesn’t, or vice versa, but i am trying to be better at that, to… kind of own my opinions more, i guess. ugh self. it’s what we have in common that makes us friends, and we can just agree to disagree on the rest. as long as we’re being civil, then differing opinions are fine. i am annoyed that i have to remind myself of this every time this happens, after a moment of fear/insecurity, but i am trying to work on it. sigh.

this probably doesn’t even make sense to the 2.5 readers of this blog, but this is the only place i can post this that said friend doesn’t read.

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Written by eeeek

August 14, 2011 at 4:50 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

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