Life is so… whatever.

is this what they call quarter-life crisis

with one comment

Today I woke up late. Well, more like woke up to my alarm, went back to sleep, and got up half an hour later. I would’ve been late if not for some stroke of luck there wasn’t too many people on the MRT today. Today was one of those days when I was really tempted to call in sick for work.

Today also marks my 6th month at The Company*. Not a very promising start to what should be my big day, eh?
In those six months I’ve learned a lot, both in terms of programming and technology and how to be a working woman. I’ve met a lot of new people and am lucky to be part of a team of pretty cool people. The pay’s not bad either, I’ve never had this much money for myself before and now I can get stuff without having to beg my mother for it. (It’s not that I’ve been throwing away my money left and right… I’ve just been getting a lot more books and DVDs now? LOL YES I AM STILL THE SAME GEEK, JUST WITH MORE MONEY. Also I buy shoes now haha.)

The thing is, I’m not happy. I’m not unhappy — I like it fine and I enjoy it I guess, and I like being challenged. I’m no stranger to stress so it’s not like I can’t take it. But that’s just it — I just like it, not love it. I still feel like I’m doing this for the meantime while waiting/looking for that something else. I still don’t know what it is, and I guess I’ll stick around here until I do. Maybe that’s not a good frame of mind to have, but I know for a fact that I’m not the only one. There was one time at lunch when my colleagues and I talked about what we really wanted to do, and we kind of didn’t really know for sure yet. Maybe this is it, maybe some of us would teach, maybe some of us would go back to school, maybe others would find something else. I don’t even talk about staying in The Company with any sort of permanence — I don’t even know if I’ll still be there for next year’s Christmas Ball (by the way, this year’s was surprisingly fun). Again, maybe that’s not the best way of thinking, but ehh. It’s not that I don’t do my best just because I don’t feel that this is it. I still strive hard and still hold high standards for myself and my work. I never compromise that. But in the back of my mind there’s always some sort of… longing, I guess, for something else. Sometimes I still wonder if I shouldn’t have given up journalism. Sometimes I just feel restless but don’t know where I want to go. Good Lord, this really is quarter-life crisis at its best, huh? But I’m in my twenties. This is what people in their twenties do, right? Wonder what the hell they’re doing with their lives? TELL ME IT’S NOT JUST ME.

*not mentioning names so I won’t be tracked, lol

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Written by eeeek

December 6, 2011 at 10:24 pm

One Response

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  1. It’s not just you. *HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG*

    nnnna

    December 9, 2011 at 10:54 pm


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