hello, i am an occasional visitor in my own blog.

i’m a (silent!) crier when i’m sad, and sometimes i’m a crier when i’m happy. it’s a little terrifying, always feeling so much.

It’s amazing how someone else could put into words exactly how I feel, in a way that I never could myself.

In other news (aka things that have happened since my last post ages ago):

• Malaysia/Singapore was super fun and super exhausting and LOL WHERE DID ALL MY MONEY GO.
• And then… THE SCRIPT AHHHHH THEY STILL GIVE THE BEST CONCERTS. Was much closer this time, and even got to touch Danny when he went down to the audience! My sister hugged him, what even.
• Company summer outing was fun, one of the drunkest times I’ve ever been in my life, but still got to manage it enough that I was still just within the happy-drunk zone, albeit barely and tbh I woke up wanting to throw up but I just countered it with lots of oily hangover food.
• Work is still kicking my ass, but I can see a light at the end of this tunnel! AKA moving projects soon, and hopefully not going to be 150% allocated anymore.
• Twisted my OTHER knee this weekend because I apparently do not know how to use my legs, so I called in sick today. Slept most of it away, although was logged in to my work PC in the morning. As Jessica Zafra once said on her blog, “For sanity and general health maintenance I can’t think of anything better than spending a weekday vegetating at home.” EXACTLY.My parents were being all, “that’s because you’re so fat! and you’re just in the house, why do these things happen to you, be more careful!” when I twisted the ankle. WOW THANK YOU GUYS, I’M HERE WRITING IN PAIN AND YOU THINK TO INSULT ME INSTEAD OF ASKING IF I’M OK. Goddamn, sometimes they make me so angry. I know, I need to live healthier, lose weight etc etc and this second knee-twisting has scared me so yes I am going to start eating healthier but Christ, sometimes I just need to feel like I’m still their little girl, k? My sister was the best out of them, asking if I needed ice, etc etc and no wonder I yelled for her and not either of the ‘rents. Wow this post has taken a very depressing turn. Yep, my parental issues are still hanging in there.
• Also, I fucking miss running. Never thought I’d say this, but I do. I want to get up on weekend mornings at 6 and run around the village, damn it. I was supposed to have time when I went on leave but then my stupid knees happened. Body, please cooperate. :(
• Separation anxiety check: yep, still happening.

light up, light up, as if you have a choice

I’ve been on leave for the last three days, technically been on break for five days (since Saturday). It’s… restful. I get to sleep a lot. Finished a book today. Watched a couple of movies. Had my hair done. I should probably be studying for an exam I have to take, but I just really need to not work for a while. Though the kind of busy I’ve been in the last few months was the good kind of busy, I need a break. You know you really do when your own boss yells “Get a life!” at you… predictably while you are doing your nth overtime in the last few months.

Could’ve been better though, if I didn’t twist my knee last Sunday, and then go to the mall (to buy my shiny new camera!!) despite that, which aggravated it even further. Sunday night until Monday I spent on the couch, elevating and resting the knee like I should’ve. Blame my mother, she wouldn’t believe I was in actual pain until I probably made her arm numb with my death grip as I really could not walk without assistance. The knee feels loads better now, although still a little stiff. Hopefully it won’t be a problem when I go to Malaysia/Singapore this weekend until next week.

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I’m watching old concert videos right now, particularly Snow Patrol’s, and fuck, that was a good concert. I feel like crying just watching them play ugh they are SO GOOD. Also I might possibly be tearing up from nostalgia because this was one of K and my last concerts together, and one of the best.

The Script is coming up in 11 days and I won’t have her there and it’s sad because she’d finally seen the light and became a fan and now she won’t get to see them.

…right, so the separation anxiety is still happening, after all these weeks.

on one hand,

i went jogging/walking on my own this morning, before everyone had even woken up.

on the other, my shins hurt. are they supposed to?

in conclusion, i am hilariously needy. 

i have, like, a sticky heart. it just STICKS to people and won’t get unstuck and gives me grief.

there are people i know who write like this and i’m envious that i don’t.

also the above statements are also kinda really true for me, just see previous separation anxiety posts. (btw, you thought that was over? it’s still not, i’ve just stopped writing about it because it gets repetitive. but i still do things like tweet k i need a drink and she replies with MOJITOS! and it’s almost like she still lives 15 minutes away except the drink doesn’t actually happen, which, boo. also i really needed that drink on monday because pms+stress+my sister being an idiot)

in other news i haven’t run in the last three days and i’m really itching to (wow when did that happen) but my sister is not here to run with me outside (and besides, i apparently outrun her now?) and i kind of don’t like the treadmill, but it’s set up in the living room as an option because my dad doesn’t like our midnight runs. i’ll wake up at 7 tomorrow and run this week’s stress off. and then i’ll go to the office even though it’s a saturday because i’m a workaholic assigned to too many things with too little time.

tonight i jogged. i am supposed to do this for 8 weeks.

just putting it out there, in case i guilt myself enough to actually finish this. the only thing i have followed this religiously is my reading streak, which has been unbroken for about 7 weeks now. i’ve been reading most days for the last… i don’t know how many months, but there are days when i break the streak and it just kills me omg. let’s see if i feel the same way about jogging.

in other news, the countdown on my phone says 0 days until k leaves. and i am playing my hipster women playlist so um i might be feeling all the feels right now and i am v. v. sad. :(

“there are some things that retail therapy can’t fix.”

A friend tweeted that tonight, and it’s true. Tonight I bought these:

Which makes me happy, except for when I remember that K is still leaving on Tuesday. :(

Also, book ban is once again on, until I finish The Funnies which I am currently reading, plus at least two of today’s haul.

things i got tonight

1. free dinner
2. a hug
3. a fresh dose separation anxiety