My last post was my usual year-end/beginning post, and now another year is about to end and I’m about to post another one of those. Not that anyone ever reads this anymore, but. I hardly wrote at all (in whatever way, shape or form) this year, and it feels like I’ve been less introspective. It’s not even that I’m super busy. It’s not either that there’s nothing to write about, because actually, a bunch of cool and exciting things happened this year. I’ve traveled more than I ever have in years before, did a lot of things for the first time, liked a bunch of new things. I don’t know, I’ve just let go of writing, and reading (I’m way short of my reading goal this year, it’s pathetic), and just a lot of things in general. I feel like I’m getting old and tired and just removing things in my life that make me tired and annoyed, and unconsciously I’ve also apparently let go of things that I like (which sucks), and somehow it includes things that will need me to brave the ever-worsening traffic and general stress of getting around this metro and that’s a big part of the problem, because now I’ve been to lazy to go to things. And another big part is me being bored of what I do everyday. I feel like I work just to be able to do things that I actually want to do and have fun doing, which is fine since at least work leaves me with time to do so, but sometimes I want something more. Good Lord, quarter-life crisis is SO MUCH FUN.
In other news, I’ve been talking and catching up with K tonight and while I feel sad that I missed some major milestones in her life (she’s engaged and will be married in 26 days!), I’m over being bitter (I mean, it’s not like I was the only one who stopped messaging) and just want to try and remain friends and at least catch up once in a while. And I know we are still friends, because the conversation tonight has been easy like it always has been, like picking up an old conversation about Colin and music and life, except I kind of have to put in a tiny bit more effort to keep the talking going, but that’s okay. I’ve been learning that as I grow older (and hopefully grow up) the people in my life are growing too and I realize who I want to keep in my life despite distance and general busyness, and she is one of them. I realize it’s going to be deliberate and not always easy but hey, she was practically living in another timezone even when she was here, and if we got through having different shifts then we can do this.
Other things that have happened since my last post, which I will hopefully write about one of these days:
- WENT TO AUSTRALIA. Which is hands-down the best trip of my life. Such a lovely place. No matter how bored and tired I am of my job, that experience is something I will always be grateful to have.
- Fell in love with the band Bastille, which truly started in Australia when I saw them in Melbourne even though I was just a casual fan by then (how I was there and got tickets when they were playing are one huge coincidence and it feels like it’s meant to be)
- Went on a couple of trips with just my sister and Fatima (and okay, that one time with her sisters and mother). My sister and I never did this before.
- Also treated my parents to a trip to Palawan in January, which is the first time I’ve done something big for them.
- New cats!
- A bunch of other things but mostly the highlight of my year is two months in Australia!!!
Where did you begin 2013?
At home, watching the neighbors’ fireworks.
What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Went abroad with just my friends and no family. Went on an actual trip with Fatimang and Clar (six years after high school and the farthest we’d gone before this was Nico’s house in Antipolo). Got surgery (okay, minor only to remove a wisdom tooth, but still!). Got stitches. Got a credit card (finally)!
not for much longer, but hey.
We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It’s miserable and magical.
Tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines
yep. just for this night, for this weekend, let me forget that i only go home now to get not near enough sleep, shower, dress up and get ready to face another day of… more of this. i’m exhausted, too exhausted to even think of quitting, i just crawl through the day and hope it means i’m one day closer to this being over. but just for this weekend, let me not think about work. i think i deserve that much.
i’m a (silent!) crier when i’m sad, and sometimes i’m a crier when i’m happy. it’s a little terrifying, always feeling so much.
It’s amazing how someone else could put into words exactly how I feel, in a way that I never could myself.
In other news (aka things that have happened since my last post ages ago):
- Malaysia/Singapore was super fun and super exhausting and LOL WHERE DID ALL MY MONEY GO.
- And then… THE SCRIPT AHHHHH THEY STILL GIVE THE BEST CONCERTS. Was much closer this time, and even got to touch Danny when he went down to the audience! My sister hugged him, what even.
- Company summer outing was fun, one of the drunkest times I’ve ever been in my life, but still got to manage it enough that I was still just within the happy-drunk zone, albeit barely and tbh I woke up wanting to throw up but I just countered it with lots of oily hangover food.
- Work is still kicking my ass, but I can see a light at the end of this tunnel! AKA moving projects soon, and hopefully not going to be 150% allocated anymore.
- Twisted my OTHER knee this weekend because I apparently do not know how to use my legs, so I called in sick today. Slept most of it away, although was logged in to my work PC in the morning. As Jessica Zafra once said on her blog, “For sanity and general health maintenance I can’t think of anything better than spending a weekday vegetating at home.” EXACTLY.My parents were being all, “that’s because you’re so fat! and you’re just in the house, why do these things happen to you, be more careful!” when I twisted the ankle. WOW THANK YOU GUYS, I’M HERE WRITING IN PAIN AND YOU THINK TO INSULT ME INSTEAD OF ASKING IF I’M OK. Goddamn, sometimes they make me so angry. I know, I need to live healthier, lose weight etc etc and this second knee-twisting has scared me so yes I am going to start eating healthier but Christ, sometimes I just need to feel like I’m still their little girl, k? My sister was the best out of them, asking if I needed ice, etc etc and no wonder I yelled for her and not either of the ‘rents. Wow this post has taken a very depressing turn. Yep, my parental issues are still hanging in there.
- Also, I fucking miss running. Never thought I’d say this, but I do. I want to get up on weekend mornings at 6 and run around the village, damn it. I was supposed to have time when I went on leave but then my stupid knees happened. Body, please cooperate. :(
- Separation anxiety check: yep, still happening.
i went jogging/walking on my own this morning, before everyone had even woken up.
on the other, my shins hurt. are they supposed to?
in conclusion, i am hilariously needy.
i have, like, a sticky heart. it just STICKS to people and won’t get unstuck and gives me grief.
there are people i know who write like this and i’m envious that i don’t.
also the above statements are also kinda really true for me, just see previous separation anxiety posts. (btw, you thought that was over? it’s still not, i’ve just stopped writing about it because it gets repetitive. but i still do things like tweet k i need a drink and she replies with MOJITOS! and it’s almost like she still lives 15 minutes away except the drink doesn’t actually happen, which, boo. also i really needed that drink on monday because pms+stress+my sister being an idiot)
in other news i haven’t run in the last three days and i’m really itching to (wow when did that happen) but my sister is not here to run with me outside (and besides, i apparently outrun her now?) and i kind of don’t like the treadmill, but it’s set up in the living room as an option because my dad doesn’t like our midnight runs. i’ll wake up at 7 tomorrow and run this week’s stress off. and then i’ll go to the office even though it’s a saturday because i’m
a workaholic assigned to too many things with too little time.