not for much longer, but hey.
We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time
It’s miserable and magical.
Tonight’s the night when we forget about the deadlines
yep. just for this night, for this weekend, let me forget that i only go home now to get not near enough sleep, shower, dress up and get ready to face another day of… more of this. i’m exhausted, too exhausted to even think of quitting, i just crawl through the day and hope it means i’m one day closer to this being over. but just for this weekend, let me not think about work. i think i deserve that much.
i’m a (silent!) crier when i’m sad, and sometimes i’m a crier when i’m happy. it’s a little terrifying, always feeling so much.
It’s amazing how someone else could put into words exactly how I feel, in a way that I never could myself.
In other news (aka things that have happened since my last post ages ago):
- Malaysia/Singapore was super fun and super exhausting and LOL WHERE DID ALL MY MONEY GO.
- And then… THE SCRIPT AHHHHH THEY STILL GIVE THE BEST CONCERTS. Was much closer this time, and even got to touch Danny when he went down to the audience! My sister hugged him, what even.
- Company summer outing was fun, one of the drunkest times I’ve ever been in my life, but still got to manage it enough that I was still just within the happy-drunk zone, albeit barely and tbh I woke up wanting to throw up but I just countered it with lots of oily hangover food.
- Work is still kicking my ass, but I can see a light at the end of this tunnel! AKA moving projects soon, and hopefully not going to be 150% allocated anymore.
- Twisted my OTHER knee this weekend because I apparently do not know how to use my legs, so I called in sick today. Slept most of it away, although was logged in to my work PC in the morning. As Jessica Zafra once said on her blog, “For sanity and general health maintenance I can’t think of anything better than spending a weekday vegetating at home.” EXACTLY.My parents were being all, “that’s because you’re so fat! and you’re just in the house, why do these things happen to you, be more careful!” when I twisted the ankle. WOW THANK YOU GUYS, I’M HERE WRITING IN PAIN AND YOU THINK TO INSULT ME INSTEAD OF ASKING IF I’M OK. Goddamn, sometimes they make me so angry. I know, I need to live healthier, lose weight etc etc and this second knee-twisting has scared me so yes I am going to start eating healthier but Christ, sometimes I just need to feel like I’m still their little girl, k? My sister was the best out of them, asking if I needed ice, etc etc and no wonder I yelled for her and not either of the ‘rents. Wow this post has taken a very depressing turn. Yep, my parental issues are still hanging in there.
- Also, I fucking miss running. Never thought I’d say this, but I do. I want to get up on weekend mornings at 6 and run around the village, damn it. I was supposed to have time when I went on leave but then my stupid knees happened. Body, please cooperate. :(
- Separation anxiety check: yep, still happening.
i went jogging/walking on my own this morning, before everyone had even woken up.
on the other, my shins hurt. are they supposed to?
in conclusion, i am hilariously needy.
i have, like, a sticky heart. it just STICKS to people and won’t get unstuck and gives me grief.
there are people i know who write like this and i’m envious that i don’t.
also the above statements are also kinda really true for me, just see previous separation anxiety posts. (btw, you thought that was over? it’s still not, i’ve just stopped writing about it because it gets repetitive. but i still do things like tweet k i need a drink and she replies with MOJITOS! and it’s almost like she still lives 15 minutes away except the drink doesn’t actually happen, which, boo. also i really needed that drink on monday because pms+stress+my sister being an idiot)
in other news i haven’t run in the last three days and i’m really itching to (wow when did that happen) but my sister is not here to run with me outside (and besides, i apparently outrun her now?) and i kind of don’t like the treadmill, but it’s set up in the living room as an option because my dad doesn’t like our midnight runs. i’ll wake up at 7 tomorrow and run this week’s stress off. and then i’ll go to the office even though it’s a saturday because i’m
a workaholic assigned to too many things with too little time.
just putting it out there, in case i guilt myself enough to actually finish this. the only thing i have followed this religiously is my reading streak, which has been unbroken for about 7 weeks now. i’ve been reading most days for the last… i don’t know how many months, but there are days when i break the streak and it just kills me omg. let’s see if i feel the same way about jogging.
in other news, the countdown on my phone says 0 days until k leaves. and i am playing my hipster women playlist so um i might be feeling all the feels right now and i am v. v. sad. :(
A friend tweeted that tonight, and it’s true. Tonight I bought these:
Which makes me happy, except for when I remember that K is still leaving on Tuesday. :(
Also, book ban is once again on, until I finish The Funnies which I am currently reading, plus at least two of today’s haul.